What if Obama...

...gave the following speech on Monday?

AN ADDRESS TO THE NATION
BARACK OBAMA
PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

My fellow Americans: I have called this press conference today to announce a change of strategy and a change of direction, for my administration and for the country. This morning I was handed a jobs report with some pretty shocking numbers. This report showed that in January, the last month of my predecessor’s administration, the country lost an astonishing 500,000 jobs. And what is more astonishing still, and frightening to an unprecedented degree, is that such job loss figures are projected to rise over the next few months, to become much worse, long before they start getting any better. Indeed, if the government does nothing, as some irresponsible legislators in the Republican party are now suggesting, the country could well be looking at an economic depression that will make today’s job report look like robust growth in comparison. If we do nothing… if we sit without our hands on our laps, while members of the opposition party bicker and fidget, complaining that our bill provides health insurance for too many poor children, or tax breaks for families that are too poor to pay income tax, but who do pay Social Security taxes, who do pay property taxes on their homes and cars, who pay sales taxes, tolls and user fees, and doesn’t reward the very Wall Street financiers who brought on this mess with enough marginal tax cuts, then before we know it an economic tidal wave of such magnitude will strike this nation that a fully a quarter of you listening to this broadcast right now will lose your jobs, your retirements and your homes and everyone else will feel the pain in their wallet and pocketbook.

The time for politicking is over. The events of the past few days have made it clear to me that in these first two weeks of my Administration I have chosen to follow an erroneous path. I naively hoped that the economic crisis that confronts us today was serious enough that it might cause responsible politicians of all stripes to put aside political differences and do what is right for the country. But those hopes were dashed when just a few days ago, not a single Republican member of congress voted for the economic stimulus and jobs bill that is desperately needed if this nation is to avoid an economic catastrophe. It has become apparent to me that the Republican party currently consists of two types of legislators: the first are the very same blind ideologues who brought this nation to the brink of economic collapse by promoting dangerously irresponsible fiscal policies and allowing Wall Street to fleece the American people while regulators played golf and sipped martinis with the likes of Bernard Madoff. These sorts of Republicans believe that tax cuts and expensive wars are the solution to all problems, and if their policies result in economic misery, then they are convinced that the problem can only be that taxes were not cut deeply enough. The second type of Republican understands that the crisis we are facing demands robust intervention by the Federal Government and the treasury but also hopes, quite cynically, that an economic collapse that occurs under a Democratic president is just the sort of catastrophe that will pave the way to their return to power in four years.

So I have come to the conclusion that the Republican party is currently made up mostly of fools and cynics, and can be of no help in managing this crisis. As a result I have decided to abandon my project for bipartisan cooperation in this time of crisis. From this point on, the Democratic party will use all means at its disposal to push through the requisite legislation to save America from her financial enemies both foreign and domestic. I invite any Republican leader who loves his country and wants to do the right thing to join me in pushing through my legislation. And to those who would stand in the way of the action that is needed to rescue our economy I have one message: the American worker will not look kindly upon you, sir or madam, when he has lost his livelihood and everything that he has worked for his whole life, to your posturing and cynicism.

Thank you all, and may God have mercy upon those who would sacrifice the financial health of America to their own, selfish, political agenda. Because I know that I, and the American people, will not.