Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Hero of the Day: Mike Huckabee

I think I've found a new political hero, and his name is Mike Huckabee. Yes, I'll admit I was tickled when the guy used Baby Jesus' birthday and a subliminal cross hovering above his left shoulder to sell the American public on the notion that the true Spirit of Christmas can only be realized by waltzing on over to the polling booth and proclaiming him Baptist minister in Chief. And it was a welcome diversion from the endless parade of official condolences and paeans for Pakistani democracy that were heard in the wake of Benazir Bhuto's assassination when Huckabee responded to the incident by, first apologizing to the Pakistani people for her death, and then turning around and insisting that the assassination proves the need for better protection against the horde of Pakistani illegal immigrants flooding our borders every year. But his latest move surpasses even those ploys (gaffes?) in its degree of jaw-droppingly goofy shamelessness. I am speaking, of course, of the news conference that Huckabee... the Huckster (is it OK if I call him the Huckster from now on?)... at any rate, as I was saying, the news conference... ah yeah.. brilliant.

So, finding his poll numbers battered down by a barrage of negative advertisements paid for by a guy who thinks that Satan is Jesus' brother, the Huckster decides that it's time to go on the offensive. But there's one problem: our guy has promised to stay positive, and much of his appeal has to do with the fact that he's such a nice, genial fellow who'd never so much as raise his voice in anger. So how do you fight fire with fire without actually employing fire? The Huckster thinks he's found the answer: He'll show the people a vision of His wrath, without actually going through the trouble of raining fire and brimstone and locusts and sores upon the unbelievers. His hope is that those who have lost faith in his righteousness will come back into the fold once they understand just ho merciful a Huckster he really is. In other words, Huckabee will call a news conference to tell reporters that he's been contemplating the running of a devastating attack ad against Mitt Romney, but at the last minute, just couldn't bring himself to run it, because deep down inside he's such a nice guy. And oh... just so you reporters will understand how devastating the ad would have been... have a look...

Yes all politicians are shameless and craven, but by and large they have enough respect for their supporters that they don't go out in public wearing a button that says "Kiss me, I'm Craven & Shameless." Mike Huckabee, on the other hand, seems very much to be running a campaign premised on the notion that no politician ever lost a race by under-estimating the intelligence of the American voter. When a roomful of reporters breaks out in laughter at the transparent shamelessness of a politician's latest gambit, you know he harbors such contempt for his own supporters that he doesn't feel the need to work all that hard to mask it.

In the end, there's something almost endearing in a politician who's that cynical, and not afraid to let the "intellectual elites" know it. Either that or Huckabee really is a moron and has inexplicably managed to make it this far in politics. Whatever the case may be, whether it be for showing a degree of contempt for the process that would make even Karl Rove gasp, or for making it this far on Jeff Spicoli's brain, Mike Huckabee, "The Huckster," is my Hero of the day.


Mo MoDo said...

I prefer to call him Hickabee. He has Ed Rollins working for him. What can you expect?

Anonymous said...

newcomer here...like your writing already, came from the YouTube video about Corker's lousy ad..it was great